Trade Mistakes
by Sonorous Serendipity
Summary: She never finished the name.
1. Chapter 1

_Trade Mistakes_

**Summary: She never finished the name. **

**Betaed by rDiana13.**

**Disclaimer: **Take a guess… you'll probably get this one.

_If I could trade mistakes for sheep _

_Count me away before you sleep _

_I'll stay awake 'til I trade my mistakes _

_So they fade away_

_~ Trade Mistakes, Panic! At The Disco_

* * *

L's Point Of View

The bells resounded in my dreams, leaving me with only the faint whispers as I awakened. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days. The chimes were becoming more substantial with each breath I took. Each breath brought me closer to my last.

I dreamed of Mother. She possessed a beautiful voice. Her hushed lullabies made me smile to myself.

I dreamed of the orphanage. The stained glass of the Winchester cathedral had shone during Sunday Mass. The desperate cries of children whose worlds had been destroyed haunted me. The rings of the bell tower was the symphony of my funeral.

The visions faded and left me to reality. I silenced my mind and steadied myself. I was sitting in front of a computer, accompanied only by my coffee, doughnut, and inner demons.

I hadn't realized I'd instinctively gone to the surveillance room. I felt much like a child going to a parent after a nightmare frivolously seeking reassurance.

"Ryuuzaki? Did anything happen? What is it?"

I stood in the doorway with downcast eyes.

"What's wrong?" His voice was soothing.

I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself as tightly as I could. My eyes were scrunched closed with my forehead resting on my knees. I began to shake.

I felt arms wrap around me like an anchor.

"It's over." My voice was steady even if my mind wasn't.

He quietly held me as I gradually regained my control. My breaths came deep and heavy.

"It's been a pleasure." Wammy replied softly. The air of finality was suffocating.

"… Thank you for everything." I sounded like a child again.

"Not at all." He waved it off.

I looked up and studied him. He was warm eyes and laugh lines.

I cleared my throat and resisted the urge to pull my thumb up to my lip.

"I know… I know you're my true father, Mr. Wammy." I confined in a whisper.

"And you, my son, Lawliet." He replied with a small smile.

I hadn't heard that name in years.

"It's not the end. Not really. We'll meet again." He told me.

My last hope.

* * *

It was raining that day.

I stood alone on the roof, hypersensitive to every drop peppering my face. It seemed as though only in the face of death one truly enjoyed life.

The bells didn't stop. Each chime brought back another memory. Each chime brought back another experience.

I heard him call out to me. I lured him outside with a sly smirk.

Light Yagami.

I distantly remember telling him of the bells. He brushed it off as nonsense, as expected.

I was no longer completely aware of my actions.

I asked him of truth. I just needed one moment with him where he was genuine.

I was given the politically correct answer. Complete and utter bull, in other words.

Disappointment flared up, but I smothered it swiftly. We were both liars and I shouldn't have hoped for anything different.

We went inside with dripping hair and thoughtful expressions.

I was another step closer to Hell.

As I bent down, I thought back to my Sundays spent at the Winchester Cathedral. I knew my atonement would hardly make a difference in my final placement whether it is Heaven, Hell, or merely Nothingness.

I felt a towel wipe my hair almost affectionately. I looked up and saw Light, yes, Light look down at me. His eyes were chocolate brown and warm. I fleetingly thought what could have happened between us without Kira and without L. What could have happened if it were just Light Yagami, brilliant college student and Lawliet-?

It was then that realized I hardly knew anything about myself. I knew not my own full name, nor who I'd be or what I'd be if I hadn't been trained to be a detective.

I gave him a bittersweet smile that barely touched my eyes.

"…we'll be parting ways soon…" My statement hung in the air like a cloud. I watched sadly as barely concealed rage flashed across his face.

Goodbye, Light Yagami.

My phone rang and I knew it was drawing to an end.

I motioned for Light to follow me.

"It seems as though things have finally worked out."

* * *

I watched in horror as Watari clutched at his chest.

_"No. No. No."_

I called to him desperately. My panic was beginning to set in.

The screen flashed red with the three words damning me to my fate.

Everything suddenly clicked.

"Everyone, the Shinigami! The Shinigami killed Watari!"

I readied myself for the heart attack that never came.

* * *

Author's Note:

I'd like to thank rDiana13 for her critique. :)

Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, Nate would've been kidnapped by dolphins.**

L's Point Of View  
I knew my fate was sealed. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. _Iknewitiknewitiknewitiknewit _. The words ran together like melted wax. I heard the bells. I sensed the chill of death. I knew. I had always known.  
_Then why the hell was I still breathing?_  
The panic surrounding me suddenly seemed insignificant.  
I gripped the edge of the table like an anchor_ ("Like Wammy.")_ and turned the chair to face my executioner.  
His eyes. Yes. His eyes told me everything.  
I faced the computer and began to attempt to regain the lost data. I was a mere observer in my own body. I was emotionless and blissfully detached to the situation. The machine I'd strove to become to uphold the ideal of L. Cold steel programmed to fulfill my purpose. It was safer. It was much safer, indeed.  
I felt my mouth move on its own accord and it wove intricate words, intricate ideas. It did anything and everything to keep itself moving and delay the moment it_ ("what?")_ would sink in. Whatever could assist me in getting lost in the recesses of my mind… to be lost in the sanctity that was logic. It was the only thing that made sense.  
I was broken out of my haze by a firm grip on my arms.  
"Ryuuzaki…Watari is **dead**." Mr. Yagami's voice cut like a blade.  
"Dead." I repeated in a voice that sounded foreign to my own ears.  
Dead. An adjective. Meanings: being deprived of life; lacking power to move, feel, or respond.  
I thought of the twinkle of amusement, of life I was permitted to see behind his half-moon spectacles. I'd never be able to see that again. I thought of the nights we'd drink tea in comfortable silence. Comfortable. I'd never feel comfortable around him again. I thought of the feel of his gloved hand, once so large in my own. Warm. I'd never again feel that warmth. Never again. Never again.  
"Dead." I paused thoughtfully.  
It was merely a word, a single syllable. Four little letters.  
"Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead-dead-dead-dead-dead." The words flowed and with each utter they became less and less meaningful. With each I became more and more distanced.  
I began to laugh. It was a hysterical sound, unbridled and unhinged. My entire body racked with the force and the ridiculous echo of the control room just made me laugh harder. My laughs turned into dry sobs.  
It stopped as abruptly as it had started. I took heavy breaths.  
"I haven't laughed in twenty years." My voice cracked as it tried to return to its default monotone.  
I hadn't laughed since I'd lost Mother.  
I looked to the room, still with my slightly insane smile. I knew none were truly concerned with my wellbeing, oh no. I was a malfunctioning tool. L was an unfeeling supercomputer. I was a piece of equipment far too vital to lose to a mere virus.  
My eyes locked with Light's. Rage overcame all of my other senses.  
Mogi and Aizawa restrained me as I attempted to act on my instinct to claw his eyes out, to allow him to feel just an inkling of the pain I was feeling.  
I suddenly became deathly _("Ha-ha.")_ still.  
"How **dare** you?" My voice was icy calm laced venom. The men stepped away from me in shock and perhaps a drop of fear.  
"Ryuuzaki, you need to calm down. I haven't done anything." His voice was patronizingly calm, as if talking to a tenacious little toddler.  
**"Bullshit."**  
I looked up through my bangs with eyes of fire. His mouth dropped open when he saw the pure hate. I stood and walked until there were mere inches between us. My back was steel straight and my hands clenched into fists.  
"Is this justice to you? Is it?"  
He opened his mouth to deny what we both knew to be the truth.  
"Please, Yagami, for the first time in your wonderful, privileged life, shut the fuck up."  
His eyes widened.  
Bitterness left a bad taste in my mouth. I felt hysteria take over when my misplaced cackles began to break through once more.  
A hand of iron crashed down on my face. The sharp stinging in my cheek was a tether to reality.  
I blinked once. Twice. I rubbed my temples to attempt to soothe its pain.  
"... Ryuu-...Ryuuzaki...?" Matsuda asked timidly, as if approaching a wild animal. Perhaps he wasn't all that far off.  
"I apologize for my lack of professionalism. It was not appropriate. I cannot allow personal feelings to cloud my judgement." My voice was as dead as he was.  
"...It's understandable." Soichiro Yagami exuded an air of sympathy with a hint of pity.  
I shook my head with the ghost of a smile tugging at my mouth.  
"We... should... attend to the body." Aizawa stated hesitantly.  
"Yes." I suddenly felt very cold.

* * *

Sand scattered the floor, glittering in the light of the monitor almost romantically.  
Rem's Death Note lay open to the most recent page, but the Shinigami itself was not to be found. The fresh ink was shining blood red.  
He looked as if he was sleeping. I was five years old again and knocking on his door for him to reassure me that my nightmares would remain nightmares. Yes, he was merely sleeping.  
"...Wake up..." A broken voice.  
He didn't move. My vision began to blur. It must have been raining.  
"Please wake up, Mr. Wammy."  
He never did.

xxx

*hugs L*

Thank you, rDiana13, for putting up with my grammar fails. xD


	3. Chapter 3

L's Point Of View

I sat alone in a crowded room, blankly staring at the screen before me.

The investigation team was in weary silence, sparing glances only when they had convinced themselves I was otherwise occupied. They were evaluating looks, as if calculating the amount of time left to the detonation of a time bomb. I felt an abrupt tightness in my chest.

They needn't have worried for another incident. I was back in control. If I hadn't control of other variables, I could at the very least maintain my behavior.

"_You weren't supposed to die." _I thought numbly. I knew in all probability there wasn't an afterlife. Nevertheless, I prayed to whomever, whatever being would listen; whether it be God of Death or Angel, that he found peace.

"_He deserves nothing less."_

I was startled out of my potentially macabre reverie as my phone rang with a new found persistence I envied. I flipped open the device with steely resolve.

"Yes?" I'd never possessed the patience for small talk.

"L?" Distinct Lancashire stained English crackled. Roger, then. I'd almost forgotten. His tone was equal parts desperation and relief.

_«__"Oui, c'est moi."__» _(Yes, it's me.)

I flawlessly transitioned to French, a shared dialect. I wanted a semi balance of privacy.

There was a brief pause.

_«__C'est une honte __de Diane __Bakery __fermé__, __vous ne pensez pas__?__» _(It's a shame Diane's Bakery closed, don't you think?)

The true meaning of the statement was hidden under the guise of levity.

_«__J'ai été particulièrement friands des muffins aux myrtilles.» _(I was particularly fond of the blueberry muffins.)

I confirmed my identity with an air of apathy.

_«__Oh__, Dieu merci, __L__! __Lorsque la chaîne__a été brisée__...__nous avons pensé__...__que ...__» _(Oh, thank God, L! When the chain was broken... we thought... that...)

_«__Je m'excuse de vous__inquiéter__.__» _(I apologize for worrying you.)

_«…__Est-__ce que ça va?__» _(Are you alright?)

His caution irritated me to no end. Why was everyone treating me like I was made of damned glass? Yes, glass. If I shattered, I supposed the shards would have been quite the bother to clean. Quite dangerous, as well.

"Wammy is dead." I momentarily forgot myself, instead speaking in heavily accented English. The room came to an abrupt hault as its occupants stared.

"_**Damn.**__" _I thought with teeth grit.

"… Dead?" He sounded choked.

I let resigned silence be my answer.

"Was it… was it Kira?" Each heaving breath he took was punctuated by static.

"Yes."

I could hear muffled sobs. I forcefully bit down on my thumb.

The rest of the conversation passed in a blur. I vaguely remember wanting to console him, but not finding the words. I was a realist by nature and sweet nothings only heightened pain in the long run.

I shut the phone with a snap, eyes concealed by a fringe of hair.

* * *

Alright, I finally got off my behind and typed up the next chapter.

I'm surprised by the reader response, quite frankly. Surprised but pleased, of course!

I won't be updating as frequently as I have been. Just know that no matter what… _**I DO NOT ABANDON STORIES. EVER!**_

I'll be slower, but as long as I see people are reading it, I'll update eventually.

Thank you guys!

Up next: The funeral. God, I'm a sadist. Poor L.


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